(Sam stands over Jay’s desk watching him work…rather than doing his own…it’s actually kinda strange he’s able to maintain a job considering he never works, buys ridiculously expensive things and doesn’t seem to have any marketable skills other than asinine bouts of creative insanity….well this has gone on far too long considering I was just establishing the setting.)
Sam: Man, I can’t help thinking how hot Jennifer Lawrence is.
Jay: Really? I was under the impression you were gay.
Sam: Why? I had a girlfriend!
Jay: I assumed she was like blind…or deaf…or maybe confused. Or possibly a hallucination I had from a bad acid trip.
Sam: You do drugs?
Jay: Anyway, you were saying about Jennifer Lawrence?
Sam: Oh yeah. I would wife that girl. Like immediately.
Jay: Yeah she’s super hot alright.
Sam: You don’t understand Jay, I would like tear that girl up. I would pound it like it was my day job.
Jay: That would probably be really unsatisfying for her considering you do close to nothing here.
Sam: What are you talking about. I do plenty of work.
Jay: You’ve literally stood behind me for the last hour.
Sam: Well you’ve just been on Facebook the whole time I was here.
Jay: This. *Points at the screen* Is a spreadsheet Sam.
Sam: Don’t try to legitimize your horseplay using fancy app names.
Jay: Again with the big words. Who the hell is teaching you them?
Sam: I have a word of the day calendar.
Jay: I find it harder to believe you can work a calendar.
Sam: I’ve broken several along the way. Mostly from losing them.
Jay: How’d you lose a calendar. In fact why would they even move from where you put them in the first place.
Sam: Well, duh so I can know what day it is no matter where I am.
Jay: Do you mean to say you walk around with a calendar?
Sam: Well I’ve stopped since I lost so many. Now I spend most days not knowing the date.
Jay: You have an iPhone, why not just check the date on that?
Sam: It’s a phone Jay. You use it to call people on, not check the date.
Jay: You serious?
Sam: Of course.
Jay: I need new friends..