(A highway diner)
*Sam sits down for a meal at the lunch bar*
Sam: Hello? Does anyone work here?….or eat here for that matter?
Barman: One sec. Just putting out a fire.
Sam: Like an actual fire or are you just being clever.
Barman: Do you see smoke?
Sam: Not really.
Barman: Well there’s your answer. Not that it would be such a terrible thing for this place to burn down.
Sam: Alrighty then..so does this place have a menu.
Barman: Nope. Everything we serve is on the chalk board behind me.
Sam: There’s nothing on that board though, except a drawing of a penis….is this like a gay bar?
Barman: Nope. Just couldn’t be bothered to write it out after some teens erased it.
Sam: So why didn’t you at least erase the dick picture.
Barman: I’m a chef not a custodian. Plus who am I to say what’s art or not.
Sam: Umm. Well that aside. What do you serve here?
Barman: Food and drinks mostly.
Sam: Do you make hamburgers?
Sam: What about cheeseburgers?
Barman: Ain’t got any cheese.
Barman: Don’t have any bread.
Sam: Umm what about those little things with chicken and sauce between tortillas?
Barman: What’s a tortilla?
Sam: It’s like a sad taco.
Barman: We don’t have tacos.
Sam: No its like a taco but like its softish.
Barman: We don’t make soft tacos.
Waffleburner: Waffleburner want a taco!
Barman: What’s up with the parrot with you? Also tell him we don’t have tacos.
Sam: His name is Waffleburner, he’s my traveling companion. My names Sam by the way.
Sam: Yeah. A little I guess. So…your name is?
Branch: My name is Branch.
Sam: Is that like a nickname?
Sam:…so there’s like no back story or anything to that? Like maybe your parents liked trees or a funny story?
Branch: Hmm, never bothered to ask.
Branch: Nope. It’s probably a common name.
Branch: Wait a second, did you mean quesadillas?
Sam: Yeah that’s them. Can I have two orders of that?
Branch: Yeah we don’t have those either.
Waffleburner: *squawk* Asshole *squawk*
Sam: Behave Waffleburner! Sorry about that.
Branch: Its ok, it’s a fair assessment. So you gonna order anything because we close at like 3.
Sam: It’s 12:30…and I’ve been trying to order.
Branch: Oh ok. What would you like.
Sam: Jeez just bring me your favorite dish.
Branch: I don’t like any of the food here.
Sam: Aren’t you the chef?
Sam: So how can you not like the cooking?
Branch: My cooking is terrible.
Sam: I see. I’ll just have two cokes.
Branch: Sure. You want ice?
Sam: No thanks.
Branch: Two glasses?
Sam: One is fine.
Branch: We actually don’t have any.
Sam: What were you gonna put the ice in?
Branch: A bowl. I didn’t ask if you wanted it in your drink I just asked if you wanted ice.
Sam: Wow ok. I’ll just take the can then.
Branch: Bottle ok?
Sam:………I don’t suppose you’d know where the next closest restaurant is?
Sam: Are those Doritos on the counter for sale?
Sam: I’ll take those and the cokes.
*Sam finishes his meal and prepares to leave*
Branch: That’ll be four dollars.
Sam: Sorry. We don’t have any.
Branch: Well that was kinda of irritating.